Adolescents and Negative Friends
Adolscents and negative friends are an age old issue that most parents are either concerned about or they have experienced. Adolescents will have many influences on their journey to adulthood; some good, some bad, and some really really bad. Parents strive to bring up their adolescents to become kindhearted, responsible, sensitive, caring, and know right from wrong. But what do you do when your adolescent child befriends someone who you don't approve of? Perhaps his or her new friend is that negative kid we are all afraid of… what do you do?
The real question is "why do good kids get influenced by bad kids? Why do good kids all of a sudden start making bad decisions (go along with those who do bad things)? Well, we think we have some good articles on this subject. Good kids making risking choices.
The Typical Adolescent and Negative Friend Attraction
For adolescents it's typical for friends to rate higher than family. Therefore, the influence upon them is greater from their friends than it is from the parent. Also, adolescents are inherently prompted to start making decisions independently for adults and parents. Together, this results in "poor decision making… where the blind lead the blind." Typically, these types of behaviors (thinking) is hidden from parents (kids this age tend to shy away from sharing crazy notions with parents).
Its all a part of growing up. So, what do you do? Ban them from hanging out with certain friends? Imposing bans on unwanted friendships is unlikely to help and may distance your child. There is a reason why they hang around "bad kids". Instead of punishment and restraint, parents need to recognize "why" their child gravitates toward negative influences.
Low self-esteem is probably the number one culprit. Kids want to be accepted more than anything else, and simultaneously fear being rejected. Therefore, the lower end friends are better than being rejected, and isolation from everyone (not being accepted) is out of the question. To keep friends an adolescent must "fit in". Therefore, they are willing to take great risks in order to be accepted. They believe they need to act a certain way in order to fit in. Low self-esteem can steer adolescents towards more dangerous friendships.
Adolescents want to belong to a group (sub-culture) and it's important for parents to realize this… The best thing a parent can do is recognize the low self-esteem and openly support your child when they are looking for acceptance from negative peers. Perhaps steer them toward an acceptable group and explain all the reasons. Be supportive, understanding, and "hear" them as you deal with this touchy subject. But don't ignore it.