Tips on How to Find a Local Therapist

Not too long ago I found myself in need of counseling services and went on a search to find a good local therapist. I was suffering from “job burnout.” Over the previous two years, I had become a workaholic, and I had created a few personal crisis’s, mostly within my important relationships. 

Basically, because I was always working my marriage and family life were suffering, and my wife and children were not happy with me. Additionally, my over working created a few nagging physical, emotional, and mental health problems too. I was working too much and not taking care of myself. When I tried to get a respite from work I would experience anxiety and depression. I just couldn’t seem to find a healthy balance between my personal life and work life. I was a mess and needed therapeutic help before my marriage was destroyed.

I Just Took a Stab at Finding a Therapist and it Didn’t Work Out So Well

My initial search to find a local therapist did not involve much thought or energy, which is something I regretted later. Out of convenience, I went with the first therapist I found in a Google Search. I didn’t do any research, didn’t ask my friends or family members for referrals either. I simply searched, called, and set an appointment in less than 10 minutes. It was all very painless. However, this method did not turn out so well, at least not for me.

That first therapist was not a good fit for me for several reasons, and in hindsight, I wished that I had taken a bit more time to research available therapists in my area. I wished that I had conducted some due diligence before setting that first appointment. Live and learn, I guess. Finding the right therapist takes time, patience, and due diligence.

I am sure that my first therapist was a top notch mental health counseling professional. I am also sure that many people find her to be a perfect fit, for them. Unfortunately for me, this woman’s personality quirks grated on my nerves. Her odd behaviors were too much for me to overcome. 

“My first therapist was way too informal for me, and I was constantly uncomfortable. Consequently, I struggled to build a trust bond with her and after a dozen sessions, I was back at square one, looking for a good therapist. I just couldn’t see myself sharing my soul with a woman that made me feel uncomfortable.”

Although my first therapist was 110% transparent and honest, which should be a good thing, she was way too transparent and honest for me. Her transparency made me feel uncomfortable and awkward. Her vulnerability and willingness to disclose her personal thoughts and emotions was a big distraction for me. Her raw transparency bothered me.

7 Recommendations for Finding the Best Therapist - Look for a Perfect Fit

I learned a valuable lesson after the first attempt to find a good therapist. If I could do it all over again here is what I would recommend.

1. Seek a Real Person Referral: First, talk to someone you know and trust, like your closest friends and/or family members. Are any of them seeing a therapist, or have they seen a therapist in the past? If so, did they like their therapist? If so, why do they like their therapist? What was good about the experience? If you like what you hear, ask for the therapist's name and contact information.

2. Seek a Specialist: See a therapist with the skills, training, and experience to help you through your specific issues: Seek a therapist that is most likely able to help you with your particular issue. Most therapists are specialists, and they work with people needing specialized help, such as; marriage or couple counseling, addiction counseling, or counseling to overcome an eating disorder… just to name a few.

For me, my biggest problem manifested through my workaholism. But as my therapeutic journey progressed, it was soon discovered that my real problem was “intimacy.” Working too much was my preferred coping mechanism. Essentially, when I overworked I avoided “intimacy.”

Working a lot allowed me to skip over and ignore the anxiety and fear associated with intimacy. Wow, what a discovery that was for me - I was very fortunate to have a therapist that really knew how to help people like me.

3. Get rid of the word or concept of “convenience” or “comfort”: Do not look for a therapist out of any form of convenience. Convenience rarely results in a good therapeutic fit. If you can, look for a therapist who specializes in the treatment that best represents your particular issue or issues.

The good news is that the therapist who finally helped me to understand my problem was not convenient, not even in the slightest bit. The therapist that I worked for me had weird business hours (inconvenient for me). His services were not covered by my insurance, and his office was more than 30 minutes away from mine. There were at least a dozen other therapists closer to my office, cost less, and were willing to work around my schedule. They offered lots of convenience. But none of them had the special skills and experience to deal with a hardened workaholic like me.

When I stopped looking for “convenient” therapists I found one that worked, at least he worked for me. I am so thankful that I took the time and diligence in finding the right therapist.

4. Find a therapist who will challenge you, make you work hard, and will not fall for your lousy excuses: Thankfully, I found a therapist who made me work hard on me. Although I always felt comfortable with him, and I trusted my therapist, he pushed me harder than anyone ever has.

My therapist was brutally straightforward, and he did not share his own personal issues. Our sessions were about me and my problems, and not about him or how he overcame his problems. As far as I know, he was not a workaholic and had no personal problem with intimacy.

5. A good therapist must be present and empathetic, but no push over: My therapist is a great listener, fair, and very empathetic. At the same time, he was very strong, and would not allow me to deceive him or myself. He did not allow me to bullshit my way through the difficult stages of recovery.

6. Look for a therapist that appreciates your worldview, or at least sensitive to beliefs, values, and attitude: For example, if you are a Christian, perhaps you should not choose a therapist who is an enthusiastic fanatical atheist - probably not the best fit for you. Or, perhaps you are a woman who survived an abusive relationship and you feel much more comfortable working with a female therapist - then great! Look for a therapist you can sit across from each week and be totally comfortable talking to. Be ready to find a therapist with whom you can connect, trust, and build a therapeutic bond with.

7. Understand the Therapist’s approach, therapeutic modalities, and theoretical philosophy to treatment: Basically, find a therapist who’s philosophy and approach resonates with you. I trusted my therapist because he understood me and I understood him. I believed in his approach to therapy before I made my first appointment. I read every page on his website. I knew what to expect (to the best degree possible), and how he was going to approach therapy sessions. Through his website he told me how he operates, and why he does what he does, and it let me feel good that it was going to work out.

Our relationship was strictly professional, and we had no friendship bonding going on during the therapeutic process. He did not hesitate to hit me hard when I came up with lame excuses. He wouldn’t let me get away with “playing the victim”. He was a no-nonsense guy, which was perfect for me. The best part was that all this was explained upfront before the first visit.