Why It Is More Important to Praise the Efforts of Teens Rather Than Their Abilities
Written by Craig Rogers, Posted on , in Section Teens & Tweens
Praise their efforts, not theirabilities. Over praising a teen for simply being themselves can actually be detrimental to their self-esteem. Praising the effort and process behind the accomplishment can be much more beneficial.
There is a tremendous difference between praising a teen "Look at what you have accomplished!" and praising the process "Look at what all your hard work has accomplished!" This may sound all too similar, but let me clarify. Parents tend to praise their teens with the intention of elevating their self-esteem. It just seems natural for parent's to praise their teens for who they are. After all, such personal praise tends to alleviate their many perceived insecurities.
A teen with low self-esteem to begin with, receiving only personal praise may focus their worth on just how much praise they are able to get. This could be detrimental when the positive reinforcement of self is reduced or lacking all together. However, if focus is laid on the process or their actual efforts, the reinforcement becomes less about them and about how hard they have worked.
Praise Efforts Rather Than Abilities
The ultimate question really is not 'should' we praise our teens, but rather 'how'. Applauding a teen's effort encourages them to work hard, learn on their own, explore, and have a healthier view of their actual capabilities. One thing to avoid, is congratulating low challenge activities, or error-free risk. This could result in the teen believing they are only worthy if they accomplish tasks quickly or perfectly. This does not promote challenge.
There is of course times to be mindful of praising after a failure or a mistake. "You did your best." can actually convey a negative emotion. It also doesn't grant them any idea of how they may be able to improve his efforts. "You missed the mark, but just barely. Next time what if we try..." could be just what the teen needs to refocus. This lets them know that they failed, but gives them the opportunity to improve.
