These Are The Ways That I Have Crawled Out of Depression, To Date

Ocassionally we receive articles by contributors who wish to remain anonymous. In this case, one of the editors of the site will verify the details of the story to the extent possible, and then publish the piece. This is a submission from a reader which did not require much in the way of fact-checking, as it is mostly just a personal story of hope and perseverance through the hard times of depression.

 

This was submitted by a Therapy Insider reader:

 

I used to often toy with the idea of killing myself. I used to think of all the creative ways I would do it, if I would leave a long thought out letter to each influential person in my life or leave nothing at all. Maybe I'd wait until it was almost too late and chicken scratch out whatever those fleeing thoughts would be and leave a puzzle in my pocket. Maybe that would be just too cruel for whoever found me. I would think of who found me, would I do it at home? No, not at home. I couldn't even fathom my little brother being the first to know. I thought of my favorite place, somewhere deep in the woods where you can't see any streetlights or hear any cars. I'd picture myself in my comfiest flannel lying on a fallen tree.

 

I knew that I would never actually do it, but the option of being able to just clock out for the day, soak in those last words the cashier at the gas station and coworkers had so casually said as if they were the last things I'd hear, that option was so comforting in my darkest days, those days that depression seemed to own my mind and body.

 

I would get so lost in those dim days, so overcome with emotion. Nothing felt right, nothing could be fixed. Depression consumed my every waking thought, it was my physically being. I was a walking, talking entity of sadness. For days on end, I couldn't pull myself out of bed. I didn't answer the phone, I wouldn't eat. It felt as if every single aspect of my life wasn't worth it, I had zero passion for my paintings, my writings, my loved ones.

 

 

I have been dealing with bouts of depression my entire life, for as long as I can remember. I may not be an expert and I'm sure there are other underlying triggers but I've found a few ways to cope through those hard times without medication. Be it a lifelong illness or just something I know I'll always have to battle, I haven't found a way to overcome it just yet. But I do have some tips or recommendations that often help me keep depression at bay.

 

Positive affirmations - As I felt the creeping of depression on the outskirts of my mind just begging to be let in, I often wandered into self criticism. What I wasn't doing well enough or how I could be better. I've found that leaving little love notes to myself around where I spend my time was quite a mighty sword against my big, bad dragon of sadness. Post-its that claimed things that I already am and how great I am at those things. "I am a wonderful mother.", "I am my own unique self - special, creative and worth it.", "I am beautiful." Often times, I felt silly writing these things about myself. But as I sat there brushing my teeth, looking at myself in the mirror reading and mindlessly re-reading that water marked blue post-it note, I was able to smile and face another day.

 

The sun - that giant, orange ball of fire. Go outside, feel it on your skin. Stand on your front lawn, barefoot, face to the sky and close your eyes allowing those warm, welcoming rays dance across your eyelashes. Clear your mind, stop listening. Embrace the morning light while you sprawl all over the living room floor, basking in that same warm spot on the carpet your furry little friend is so fond of. That's all. Give your time to the sun as often as you can throughout the day and maybe, just maybe you won't even think of the struggle.

 

Education - Okay, so maybe you don't totally love school or the thought of teaching yourself historic dates of when the Chinese dynasties ruled. But take a class or learn a skill. Accomplishing even the simplest task you couldn't before releases all those good emotions to the brain and that is just an even bigger army of your side when head to head with life's low points.

 

Don't be alone - often, I see my innate sadness as something wrong with me. A problem that I have to fix on my own and I end up resorting to wherever I can be alone. I don't want to burden others or be burdened by all the questions as to what's the matter. Because honestly, I don't know what's the matter. I don't know why I'm not chipper and I don't know why I can't just drop it or snap out of it. I just want to curl up in my little hole and hibernate forever or sit at the bottom of my shower and stare at nothing. But that has never helped. Surround yourself with people who can only lift you up. People who want to be around you, who focus on the good. Refrain from calling that friend who only wants to gossip or find out the dirt in your life.

 

Know that it ends - The biggest thing that I do is that I remind myself that this isn't who I am. These sad, dark thoughts aren't all I have to offer. I'll feel better if I keep telling myself I'll feel better. I'm just stuck in a rut and I can get out of it. I will get out of it, even just temporarily, I have to give myself time and positive reinforcement and I will be okay.

 

I've come to terms that depression is a life-long mental illness for me, like alcoholism is for some, and each time I overcome that dark, looming cloud in my mind, that's another notch on my belt. I like to think that one day I'll be strong enough to not love the option of suicide when face to face with my depression, but until then, I know I'm not alone. And neither are you. You are never alone. Depression happens to the best of us.