I'm Drowning in Your Problems
29August

I'm Drowning in Your Problems

Written by Debra Celani, Posted on , in Section Teens & Tweens

One of the most common issues we hear about from parents is that they don' t know when to seek help. Knowing with certainty that professional help is the only thing that's going to address the issues plaguing your teen is a difficult proposition. With a certain amount of intuition, keen powers of obvservation and knowing what to look for, parents should be able to identify when their teen's problems have outgrown the home.

It usually starts simply enough. Sometimes you don't even notice it, but thinking back on it, you could pinpoint it almost to the day. Sometimes it's easy to take for granted how well we know our children. We know them so well that we could spot the smallest difference in their behavior, and that's almost always what it is. Just a slight shift. From open, to slightly more secretive. From bright and happy, to a little melancholy. Relaxed to stressed. All of these changes would be imperceptible, if it weren't for a nagging feeling telling you that something is wrong.

What seems like no big deal can often blossom into big problems. Where before your teen child may have been even tempered, now they are persistently moody. Angry outbursts become the norm. Accusations. Blame. Your teen may insist that you couldn't understand their problems. Or maybe they just shut down and stop communicating completely. Sudden, drastic behavioral changes like these may mean that it's time to seek help outside the home. Because sudden changes like these can be an indication of issues with dramatic consequences.

There's no guaranteed checklist that can tell you that your teen has a problem that requires professional treatment. But let's be honest, you're reading this article for a reason. When you wait to seek help, you create the time and space for rationalizations to set in. Except, they only seem like rationalizations. What you've really done is make room for excuses.

"It's just a phase."

"He's under a lot of pressure."

"He's only drinking on the weekends."

"It's only pot, a lot of good kids experiment."

If you're reading this now, there's a decent chance that you've passed this point, and you feel yourself grasping for something, anything to hold onto, to pull your son back from the brink. If not, and you're just now seeing these warning signs, know that when you delay seeking treatment, you make recovery that much more difficult for your child and for your family.

As A Parent, You Are Your Teen's First and Last Line of Defense

In many ways, we are a 'wait and see' culture. We have been programmed to feel that preventive measures are secondary to primary care. We are a culture who treats symptoms rather than disorders. Problems don't seem real until we can see the mess they've caused. But is it really worth gambling with your child's future? Where is the bottom? How can you know?

Whether your son's grades aren't where they should be, or when he's getting in a little bit more trouble than usual, and the trouble's a little worse than it used to be, these are the signs that there may be a serious problem that could need professional help.

And yet, you could almost be forgiven for thinking that these are all somewhat normal situations for teens to find themselves in. In many ways they are. It's the suddenness of the change, the way that the new behavior is out of character. Communication is difficult for teenagers. They're not going to tell you what the problem is. You have to know what to look for. The signs can be subtle in the beginning, they usually are. Don't fear intervening too early, because you don't want to be in the position of wondering why you didn't act soon enough.

If your teen has friends that you don't trust, ask him about them. Stay involved. Don't ignore big, obvious signals that your son is communicating whether he realizes it or not.

A lot of parents discount singular events that are part of a pattern of problematic behavior. Bottles of medicine don't just get up and walk away. The smell of cigarette smoke usually means something more than, "Oh, sorry, mom, Danny smokes. I know it's bad." No matter what you think, pot is not harmless for teens. Very few people take just one sip of alcohol and wind up throwing up all night.

We would never advocate that parents should automatically lose all trust in their teen children, but, all parents should be aware that many teenagers do lie, and often for reasons that even they don't understand.

Missing the signs that your teen is broadcasting, or failing to take them seriously could lead to a missed opportunity to find help that can prevent more serious outcomes.

The problems that can cause serious setbacks for teenagers number into the thousands. If we were to give you a list of the signs that could be a cause for alarm in your teen's behavior, it would be hundreds of items long in order to encompass the full range of potential threats. What's important to note is that sudden changes such as new groups of friends, a decline in scholastic performance, a change in attitude, demeanor, sleep or eating habits; all of these things are a clue to what's going on with your teen.