420 Reasons I Am Too Old To Smoke Pot
Posted on , in Section Healing Humor
You heard me right. Reasons: I’ve got ‘em. Good ones, too. And I don’t need until April 20th to roll them out there.
1. I Am A Teacher
Yep, I teach English at the local university and can you imagine if I came into class stoned? Not only would 95% of the class know what is going on, but that could spell disaster when I tried to teach the lesson on colons.
2. I Don’t Need Any More Help with the Munchies.
I do just fine on my own these days, thank you. And my BMI already doesn’t appreciate it. However, if you offer me brownies, those fall into the “already eating them” category, and I will be loathe to ask what kind.
3. I Have A Teenage Son
I am supposed to be a good example to this young man, and while the jury is still out on exactly how well that idea is going, I can at least not give him a reason to say, “Hey, Mom, can I have a hit?”
4. I’m Already Too Tired
I work over 44 hours a week, take care of five children, and still want the ability to look at my husband and say, “Hey, baby, how ya doin?” I don’t need to relax—I need some freakin’ energy.
5. I Just Can’t Party
If I were to smoke pot, I’d need a week to recover. During that week, I wouldn’t be able to take kids to and from school—or teach my class. And how would I explain my blood shot eyes to my boss when he asks me to write an article on the dangers of smoking pot?
6. I Like My Money
It’s amazing to me how much can be spent on a leafy green high. I’d rather take the money and buy something much more necessary—shoes, for instance.
7. Less Paranoia
Because, let’s face it, I can get paranoid on my own. I have children and an exceptional imagination that can take care of any high-stakes anxiety that I need.
8. Better Creativity
All those great ideas people get when they’re stoned? Well, I have my own, without the smoke. They may not be nearly as entertaining, but more reliable nonetheless.
9. Um, jail?
In almost every state, marijuana is legal. Not only would my pretty face never survive a night in jail, I can just imagine trying to explain the bookings page to my class the next morning.
10. Because My Mommy Said So
And really, isn’t that reason enough?
And no, I don't really have 420 reasons listed. Why? Because I am too freakin' old to remember all of them. Or, maybe, it was those brownies.
