Getting drunk has a lot of pitfalls. There are mistakes to be made at every turn once you decide to start drinking. This is a list of 14 ways people often slip up after hitting the bar.
1 - Telling everyone that you love them - That guy who handed you the bag of chips you were reaching for is probably a great guy, but your relationship is still so fresh you might ruin it by telling him you love him. Be classy and play a little hard to get.
2 - Making any kind of financial decision - Helping a Nigerian prince get his inheritance out of his country by giving him your bank account information and social security number might be the chance you've been waiting for, but it can probably wait until morning. If it still seems like the opportunity of a lifetime at that point, go for it.
3 - Getting in a fight - The key to winning most fights is slow reaction time and disorientation. This makes fighting when your drunk your best chance at kicking ass, but you should still probably avoid the temptation.
4 - Keg stands - There are some who view keg stands as a beautiful mix of power, athleticism, and determination. These people are wrong. Just drink out of a cup like a normal person. It's time to realize that what was cool as a freshman in college no longer applies.
5 - Taking that girl home from the bar - She may look like a 10 at the moment, but those beer goggles just stopped you from noticing an Adam's apple. Save yourself the money you'd spend on therapy and just go home alone.
6 - Using your phone - This is always a mistake. There is nobody you need to be talking to while your drunk who isn't also drinking with you. It may seem like you made an emotional breakthrough and you're ready to tell your ex that you'll love her like she deserves, but you haven't. Just keep it to yourself and have another beer.
7 - Walking home from the bar - Why would anyone take a taxi? It's a fantastic night, you feel great, and the bar is only 10 miles from your house. If you've had this train of thought, then you've probably also spent a night sleeping in a gutter. Just pay for the taxi.
8 - Taking pictures - Nobody needs pictures from a night of drinking. If you're thinking of past times when it would have been great to take a picture, just stop. You don't need those pictures. There is a reason alcohol blurs the memory, and it's not your place upend the natural order of things by documenting what happens when people drink to much.
9 - Putting those pictures online - At this point, you already made a mistake and you're looking to make it worse. Not only did you snap a bunch of pictures at the party, you think they're awesome enough to share. And why not tag your friends in them, wouldn't their parents want to see how awesome they are at beer pong? Don't be the guy that puts pictures from a party online.
10 - Falling asleep hugging the toilet - The combination of a soft toilet seat and the cool breeze coming off the toilet water may seem like a tempting combination, especially when you bed is upwards of 20 feet away, but don't do it. 9 out of 10 times you'll probably be fine but that 10th time you're gonna shift in your sleep and end up dunking your head in a porcelain pool your roommate devastated after eating tacos a few hours ago.
11 - Streaking - Lets face it, it's winter and it's cold outside. Streaking is almost never the right move, but if you do it now your timing could not be worse. At least choose a flattering temperature if you're going to make this mistake.
12 - Playing beer pong - You're taking dirty ping pong balls that have rolled on the floor and been touched by nearly everyone at the party, dunking them in your beer, then drinking it. Unless you're playing with rubbing alcohol, you are putting some nasty germs into your system.
13 - Trying to dance - This is a problem that most people who drink have probably run into at some point. You're a short, stocky, white dude who is barely coordinated enough to make it up and down stairs, but when you have a few drinks you start to think you're Michael Jackson. You may think your moves are awesome, but everyone laughing is probably not as impressed with your moonwalk and crotch grabs as you think.
14 - Getting a tattoo - Getting a tattoo of Gary Coleman riding a unicorn is a big decision. Sure, it's going to get the ladies attention, but there are easier ways. Wait till you sober up before you commit.
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