Digital Abuse: Who is Harming Our Teens?

The word “abuse” brings to mind different scenarios, often including screaming, hitting, throwing, and yelling—all of them being thought of as situations where people are present, where the two fighting parties are in the same room, or at least in the same neighborhood.

That is no longer always the case. In the digital revolution, not only are teens meeting each other in new ways—hello, Facebook and Snapchat—but they are redefining the relationships, as well as relationship abuse.

In an article titled, “Digital Harassment is the New Means of Domestic Abuse,” author Kelli Goff reports that recent years have shown a huge upsurge of young girls calling the National Domestic Violence hotline. The girls confess to cruelty “by their boyfriends that didn’t fit traditional definitions of violence but certainly constituted abuse,” as reported in an article on thedailybeast.com. Stalking on social media and through text message is high on the list of new abuses:

Some reported their boyfriends threatened to post demeaning photos of them on social media if the teens disobeyed their commands. Others said their boyfriends set up fake Facebook accounts to test whether or not they were interacting with members of the opposite sex without permission. In what sounded like a particularly extreme case of technology being used as a form of control, one teen reported her boyfriend would text her on a designated schedule so he could be sure she wasn’t with someone else cheating. When he would sleep, he had his friends continue texting her on the schedule, and whether she was trying to sleep or not she was expected to reply or face physical violence. 

Clearly, the days of any teen privacy are gone.

In what society are our girls growing up in that makes them think such things are somewhat acceptable? Since when did constant checking in through texts and testing their loyalties through false profiles on Facebook become second nature?

It’s a culture of Edwards and Bellas that have our teen girls believing that stalking equals intense love, and chastisement for disobeying is only to be expected. Teen boys see the demanding and often controlling personality that girls are suddenly swooning for, and have very little reason to believe that it shouldn’t be duplicated.

What can be done about Digital Abuse?

A Dating Violence Prevention site, loveisrespect.org, encourages teens to reconsider what they are doing online that will allow others to track their every move, such as checking in on Facebook, and using other popular check-in apps that actually allow you to see the person moving around town through a virtual map. The site also remind girls of the dangers of texting too much and, of course, sexting.

Sexting and its barrage of photos are often the very things used in emotional blackmail. What teen would want their friends, teachers, and worst of all, their parents seeing that? But, thanks to social media and other aspects of the digital age, they all can do just that—and quickly. And, unfortunately, sexting, no matter how uncomfortable a teen may feel about doing it, becomes an undisputed “must.” If a young woman’s boyfriend asks and pressures her to send something, she may consider it a display of love and acceptance. Suddenly, baring your body over SMS is sometimes the new affirmation of love.

None of this actually remains in merely the teen realm. Many girls being digitally harassed are in their early twenties, and even college graduates. It makes for none-the-less a disturbing trend. Nearly 1.5 million high school students are abused by a dating partner every year. Love is Respect also reports, “Girls and young women between the ages of 16 and 24 experience the highest rate of intimate partner violence—almost triple the national average.” It is a number that we cannot ignore.

Empowering our girls with information as well as self-confidence can be the key to stopping such electronic manipulation. Naturally, it is also wise to be on the look out for telltale signs of ill-treatment of your daughter.

We all know our teen texts way too much, but are they on there 24-7? Are they anxious about answering their boyfriend’s texts right away? Do they panic when they miss one? Check your teen’s social media; know who their friends are and what is being said. Also watch your daughter’s persona when she is with her boyfriend. Is she timid or worried?

Most especially in this digital age, it is impossible to know absolutely everything going on in your child’s relationships. If they are in college and experiencing these problems, helping them is even more difficult.

If you do find that your daughter is being abused, digitally or otherwise, call the police immediately. It might seem overkill, but odds are that you don’t know the full story and it is likely even worse. This will also send a clear message—both to your daughter and her boyfriend—that such actions will never be tolerated. The young man causing problems will hopefully be frightened away, and your daughter will recognize that you value her safety and, above all, herself. She will know that she is worth something much more, and hopefully the next time a young man becomes interested, she will only reciprocate with the one that treats her like the phenomenal person that she is.

Trinity Teen Solutions is a therapeutic boarding school that specializes in helping troubled teen girls. If you are looking for a place that will help your daughter deal with her emotions all while receiving a high-quality education, please call us at (855) 631-4424.